Advanced Emotion for Law Majors
by JForward
Summary: Jeff Winger is a proud individual who wears 3000 jackets and 400 jeans. Living in his car isn't the best position he's ever been in. But it's not the worst, either. [Abed and Jeff friendship set during Home Economics. Involves mentions of self harm and vague reference to attempted suicides.] [ Part of the Community Quote Prompt. ]


W/N: I was having trouble writing, so I decided to go pick a Jeff quote and play off it! This is the one I picked up on. Feel free to do the same! It's a nice little exercise. Also, I apologise. This is a lot of Abed and Jeff talking so runs like a script at point.

"_The next person that offers me pity will be mentioned by name in my suicide note." _

T/W: mentions of self harm, very vague mentions of suicide.

Jeff was prideful, that was most definitely true. Alright, some might call it narcissism, but he was a lawyer. And lawyers needed to be confident, striking, three thousand dollar suits and a Lexus weren't just for his own pleasure. Though mostly for his own pleasure. A striking appearance and the luxuries of lots of money were things that he liked to maintain. Losing his condo had hit him a lot harder than he'd expected; most of his property was gone, leaving him with just a few boxes of possessions he appreciated, on the back seats of his car. Moved to the front when he slept, of course. Making use of Greendale facilities that he could get away with to brush up and try to maintain that sexy persona. Even more important now that he wouldn't mind spending nights over with said person - and their various comfortable beds. And showers. And kitchen cupboards. Alright, so maybe he wasn't holding it together quite too well.

Aaaand then he'd been spotted. He wondered if Shirley had spotted him that morning or if she'd been told; and of course the reaction of the group told him all he had to know. There was a sense of growing rage and frustration as it was revealed and he did his very best to banter himself out of the situation. Before it turned to pity, to offers of help, to stupid goddamned suggestions - he resisted the urge to punch the table. The comment had exploded out of him in a moment of weakly suppressed fury, but maybe there was a little more truth to it than he wanted to admit. He was ever so slightly falling to pieces. It wasn't a feeling he liked - it brought back jarring memories of childhood that he didn't want to be rattling around in his head.

So he'd been pushed and the snap came out. Who would've expected that there was truth about it? Of course nobody would. Jeff was cocky, bullheaded, smart, and incredibly set in his belief of himself as a person. Never one to doubt himself. Sitting in the seat of his car at lunch, a packet sandwich half eaten on the dashboard, he was charging the phone from the cigarette port. There came a sharp knock on the window and he startled, dropping his phone on his lap. With a sigh, he pressed on the button, hearing the slow whirring as the motors lowered the glass.

"Were you serious?"  
"Abed, what the hell are you doing?"

"I came to check on you. You're living in your car, like in the Gilmore Girls when-"  
"You watch _The Gilmore Girls_?" Jeff was first of all confused, and second of all fully intending to pull Abed away from this conversation.

"I have a wide taste."

Walking around, Abed opened the other door and sat on the passenger seat, looking blankly at Jeff. Unnerved, he raised an eyebrow.

"Why are you sitting in my car with me?"

"Because I wanted to know if you were serious."

The confused expression on his face wasn't going to cut it for Abed, so he took a breath, rolling his eyes and looking away.

"Abed, I didn't know what you meant before, and I still don't understand now. Repeating it doesn't help, we've been over it."

"Oh. Of course. When we were in the study room earlier and everybody was offering you places to live because you're living in your car, you said, "The next person that offers me pity will be mentioned by name in my suicide note."" he tilted his head towards Jeff. "I was wondering if you were serious and if so, is this pity?"

Jeff took a deep breath. "No, Abed. I wasn't serious, it was just… an expression."  
"I've never heard that expression before."  
"I - no, I was being metaphorical, Abed." he wasn't an English major damnit, "I just meant that I didn't want pity and I was trying to stop anyone else going for it. I'm not going to commit suicide."

"Oh. Good. I'd miss you, I think. And so would everyone else. You're the golden hearted leader of our group, even if you can be an ass."

"… Thanks, Abed."

"You're welcome. What did I do?"

"You showed you cared. In your way. That's nice."  
"Well, I was worried for you." and that caught Jeff out. He turned fully, looking at Abed, blinking like he was caught in a bright light.

"You were worried about me?" he asked, quietly.

"Yeah. Well, I know you all have problems with me expressing - or not expressing - my emotions, so I don't know if you're going to get what I'm trying to explain. But I know what it's like to want to kill yourself, Jeff. It's not fun. That's why I bury myself in TV shows." he smiled tightly. A little astonished, Jeff looked away, staring out the windshield. "I won't tell you too much because I know that makes you uncomfortable, which is ironic because you're a lawyer, but you know it had a lot to do with my parents. You shouldn't worry about living in your car. It's an adventure. Like a TV show." and another smile. Jeff looked back at him, matching said smile.

"My, uh, my dad was an asshole." Jeff said, quietly. "As you know. He fucked of when I was just a kid, and I never forgave him. And I never will forgive him, but I, uh… I get it, Abed. And I'm fine, I'm not going… back to that. Alright?" he said, "I haven't felt like that in a long time."  
"You have an anger issue." Jeff turned sharply again. Abed seemed to be on a completely random track, and he lost the hold on where he was going. "It's because you're vain, and so when you lose your temper you damage things. I've seen you do it several times now. You need to control it. I advise you go to a doctor, Jeff, before you end up hurting someone you love." he gave a faint smile.

"Are you doing a bit?" Jeff asked, suspicions in his eyes. Abed nodded, and Jeff sighed, looking away.

"Alright, fine-"  
"The thing about my father wasn't a bit, Jeff. That was true. I was trying to show you support in a trying time. That's what friends do, right?"  
"Yeah. That's what friends do, Abed. I'm sorry, you - don't want me to talk about it, do you?"

"No, you can if you want. If it helps you."  
Jeff considered that for a moment, picking up and fiddling with his phone again. Hesitated, considering…  
"And you won't tell them? Not even to - I don't know - further the plot? This definitely isn't a bit?" he could feel the expression on his face, twisted slightly in distrust. No - that was the wrong word. Not distrust, he trusted Abed, just not to screw him over for the sake of mimicking something and he could never tell when it was. And on top of that… maybe he shouldn't release this information. God, the amount of pity he'd have if this got out, but…

"I don't lie about this sort of thing, Jeff. I take my friends seriously. And Inspector Spacetime. But they're a very different sort of serious. You wouldn't understand." Abed shrugged. Definitely getting better at the whole, expressing himself thing. That was a good sign, right?

"No, I probably wouldn't." he considered, hesitated. Then… thought about it.

"It didn't hit me that hard when he went. It was… later. Before I became a lawyer, when I had to step away from Mom and her constant belief I was the best person in the world, when -" he cut himself off, swallowed. "I thought I was over it all. But after I got disbarred, it… came back. Got worse, and I -" he cut himself off.

"You went further than you had before and it scared you."

"Yeah. You're good at this people thing. I'm surprised you have such a hard time with emotions."  
"The past is easy. It's working out what's happening at the present moment that I find the hard part."

"Oh."

He picked up his phone and fiddled with it again, but he wasn't doing much, just opening and closing random apps, starting a game of Bejewelled and ending it. He couldn't help but fidget, unable to handle much else. His mind was still turning. Abed was… good, for this. For silences. No awkwardness, no pressure to talk. Abed reached out and took half of his sandwich. Jeff didn't complain, letting him do so. He wasn't going to eat it anyway.

"Are you still scared?"  
Jeff looked across at Abed, but from the stare the question was serious. About to bring up a response, he stopped, looking down.

"… Yeah. I am. I was a lawyer, the one person I admired. And I fucked it all up." he shook his head a touch, "And I fell apart. I never want to do that again, Abed. I don't like being out of control. I don't like not having a grip on what I'm doing. I was a lawyer, I -" he broke off, took a steadying breath.

Then he offered his left arm out to Abed, wrist up. Abed leant over, peered. Jeff stared pointedly out of the window, not wanting to see his expression. Or lack thereof. Reaching out, Abed's long fingers took his arm, and he couldn't help but flinch. Abed didn't comment, but a finger traced along one of the faint marks. "Some of these are pink, not white. How long ago were you disbarred?"  
"Last year."  
"Oh."

Jeff jerked his arm back, pulling the sleeve down and doing the button up. He did the same on the other side.

"You know, it's not pity if we want to help you, Jeff." Jeff looked around again, trying to look neutral. Throat bobbed as he swallowed hard. "It's just friendship. Shirley taught me that. If people are your friends, you offer them help. That's why I said you can stay with me if you want. There's no shame in that."  
"Who are you quoting?"  
"Britta. But I'm not quoting her, I'm paraphrasing. It's different."  
"Yes, I do know what that means. Thanks, Abed." he sighed, slightly.

"I meant it, though, Jeff. You should go to a doctor. I've gone through every test and pill they have, I think. That's what my dad said. I think it'd fix you, though. Even if it could fix me."  
Jeff sighed.  
"You don't need fixing, Abed. Don't let anyone tell you that, alright? Don't believe it."  
Abed eyed him. Then nodded, ever so slightly.  
"Thanks, Jeff. Enjoy your lunch." he got out of the car and walked off, whistling to himself.  
"Yeah. Sure." Jeff murmured, looking at the empty sandwich packet.

Then he picked up his phone, unplugging it, scrolling through his contacts and dialling a number. Phone to his ear, he leant over his chair, digging through one of the boxes. "Yeah, hi, it's Mr Winger," he said, into the Blackberry, finding what he was looking for. He sat in his chair properly again, turning the item he'd found over in his fingertips. "Yeah. I need to make an appointment. Tomorrow after three?" he smiled to himself before throwing it through his still-open window, into the bushes outside. "Thanks. See you then."

W/N: It's always the one that seems the bravest, the one with the brightest smile that is the most broken inside. And I don't think it's that unrealistic. As ever, please fav/kudo, and comment. Comments loved, creative criticism adored. J


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